Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
