Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
