Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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