who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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