you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
