You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
