then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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