k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
