Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
