if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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