we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
