i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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