DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
