The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
