Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
