she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
