The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
