literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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