why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize