I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
