I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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