i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
