? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
