It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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