how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
tell me about the fingering
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize