It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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