is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
