dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
