I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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