best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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