Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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