best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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