Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As shirtless as possible
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
