1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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