yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
