I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My cat gives me a boner
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
