he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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