My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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