I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My balls are so social today.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
