that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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