make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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