omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize