i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
