as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
