His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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