I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
