I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize