This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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