its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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