exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
