Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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