if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
