i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
