From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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