Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
