i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I died a long time ago.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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