Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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