I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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