I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
