On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
