Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
