U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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