btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
