On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
