Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
