Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
