Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
