I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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