we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize