Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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