You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
