I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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