All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
