Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
