You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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